Counselling / psychotherapy
What it's for
Anything we're struggling with in life:
Relationships: unhappiness; break-ups; repeating patterns from
one partner to the next; picking unavailable people; loneliness;
losing our temper/ fighting/power struggling; having affairs;
difficulty communicating; confusing pity with love; clinging
to our partner for fear of being alone; feeling like we're losing
our sense of self over time; feeling tied up thinking about our
partner; feeling our partner is the "problem"; feeling
invaded by our partner's ongoing presence; shutting down emotionally
on our partners to get away, as well as to punish them; we feel
at a loss to understand them; no partners; having 'fantasy' relationships
with real people; obsessing about people; getting high on 'intrigue'.
Anxiety &/or depression: feeling things are too hard, too
painful; an increasing sense of isolation; lack of motivation;
losing our temper too easily; suicidal thoughts; feeling sad
and flat; unable to do simple things; feeling a victim to everything;
panic attacks.
Drug & alcohol problems: worried about how much we're having;
bingeing; wanting to stop or cut down without success; if stop,
not stay stopped; change of behaviour for the worse, like drunk
driving, blackouts (ie. loss of memory); friends telling us we
need to do something; depression; mood swings; personality changes;
obsessing & driven about the next drug or drink.
Struggling to cope with a drinker or a drug taker/pill
popper:
we exhaust ourselves berating them/thinking about their "problem";
hide/throw away their alcohol or drugs; get taken in by their
promises to stop over & over; needing to feel like they are "the
problem"/we are "better than" them; drinking or
drugging with them to have their company/to limit their intake;
needing them to "need" us.
Perfectionism & control: nothing we do seems good enough/unable
to recognise our accomplishments; trying harder still doesn't
work; having a need for perfection; fear of criticism; feeling
critical of others; we're constantly seeking approval and affirmation;
we're uneasy when our life is going smoothly; trying to get others
to do things our way, feeling frustrated when they do not; talking
over people and unable to stop; giving people the silent treatment
instead of talking to them; switching between ‘victim'
and ‘persecutor' roles in our interactions with people.
Eating disorders: over-eating &/or purging through vomiting
(bulimia), laxative abuse or exercise; anorexia; fat-thin-fat
cycles; hiding food from others; eating alone; obsessing & driven
about food; chronically unsure if we are fat, thin or O.K.
Sexuality problems: having too many short affairs; not having
sex with anyone for long periods despite wanting to; failing
over and over to practise safe sex; driven to wear sexy clothes
all the time to turn heads &/or to dress down so no-one will
look at us; excessive masturbation; regular visits to prostitutes;
deep sexual shyness; impotence; premature ejaculation; inability
to have orgasms; great sadness/pain/tears regularly, during or
after sex.
Gambling problems: unable to stop or control it; unable to visit
near pokies or casinos without gambling; losing increasing amounts;
taking more risks to get more money in ways we don't feel good
about; unable to gamble like other people; going to prison because
of it; spending much time dreaming of the grand things we'll
do as soon as we make the big win, and if we do win big, losing
it again.
Money issues: chronic debt; secrecy around debts; fear around
normal bills/unopened bills; compulsive spending; confused feelings
around finances; unable to hold onto money; unable to spend money
on ourselves.
Work addiction: we work long hours, feeling good, getting little
done; get lots done, but the hours take a big toll on our relationships;
chronic over-achieving or under-achieving; working at the expense
of socialising; not knowing when to stop working.
Obsessions, phobias, compulsions: we can't stop nail-biting
or picking at our skin; going over & over details/repeating
songs & phrases to a maddening degree; irrational fears;
checking things like locks, the zip in our pants; tapping hand,
finger, tongue or foot movements; fear of open spaces, crowds,
or confined spaces.
What it's not
- Work in the area of psychology is not about blaming anyone.
Some of us may have experienced people in some sort of therapy
whose
apparent faultfinding with sincerely intentioned parents
or caregivers did not sit well with us. This is not a desirable
or necessary aspect of therapy.
- Counselling is not for us to turn up secretly hoping someone
can make things better for us, or solve our problems. It
is about getting help with how we block ourselves from
living
more fully
and effectively.
Doing it alone
Figuring things out on our own can be a fine thing, and
a sign of maturity. Continuing to do so in the face of
problems we're
not solving, however, is a different matter. Often we
may be feeling apprehensive about asking for assistance, or
even knowing
if anyone can help. Sometimes we've exhausted our friends
and ourselves in trying to find a solution to our dilemma,
or accomplishing
some sort of shift inside we know we need to make.
Seeking Counselling
This is where seeking the counsel of trained professionals can
be of immense help by learning a little more of what makes us
tick. Once we gain more clarity on what's going on inside, our
confidence in ourselves builds. Then we can judge how to go ahead
and solve the hassle - so our self-esteem soars, and we're cooking
with gas again in our lives.
What it takes
Easy? Well the process is simple enough, and can be fully explained
to you. You have to be prepared to do some serious homework
and keep at the process, often for a number of months or
longer. However significant emotional relief frequently only
takes
a few weeks.
How we help
The psychotherapy currently offered at the Wholistic Medical
Centre helps both our heads and our hearts over time. Thoughts
and feelings inform and affect each other intricately. Effective
therapy must help us understand our problems as well as help
us access our blocked feelings. We learn how to use these feelings
to gain further insight into what makes us tick, and to help
us more appropriately express our feelings to others.
To make sense of how we have turned out, we must connect with
how we thought and felt as we grew and were being formed, so
family-of-origin therapy is an important part of this process.
Many conclusions we made about ourselves as small children must
be re-examined in the light of what we are discovering about
how we felt back then, with all those adults around, often misunderstanding
what it was we needed or even unable to give us what we needed.
We become skilled in:
- understanding and feeling shame - that sense of being defective
deep down which all humans share whether aware of it or not;
- distinguishing between anger and rage in us, and being clear
on their functions;
- distinguishing between our feelings, and the feelings of
other people we are "carrying" in our bodies (which
is obviously an important thing to get sorted out!);
- knowing exactly how many of our habits and ways (and even
for some, addictions) are defences against feeling painful
and
fearful things from our past.
- knowing that states of upset are nearly always feelings
from our childhood triggered by current events that unknowingly
remind us of things from back then.
- knowing that feelings triggered in our bodies right now
in the present, are usually not about the present circumstances.
- knowing how to take these upset feelings back to childhood
in the body, thereby realising first-hand that the inner conflict
is not about now–this allows us to quickly calm down
and to not continue struggling around the current situation
or person.
- becoming very familiar with these feelings, recognising
them earlier & earlier when triggered in our body. Thus we gradually
allow our past to be the source of our inner richness (emotional,
senses & mental memory), without the element of conflict
being overly intrusive in our daily lives.
What we can expect in the end
- Resolution of our struggle around our original difficulties.
The difficulties may return over time, but now we know what
to do when such issues arise from time to time in our lives.
- The return of choice in our lives. What previously used
to drive
us in one direction, seemingly against our will and our better
judgment, ceases to do so. A sense of freedom (or choice)
returns to us.
- Satisfaction with our lives. Even in times of difficulty,
we find ourselves being glad to be alive, because now we
can respond
to the painful circumstance, instead of reacting and worsening
the situation in our pain, anxiety and confusion.
- A very real sense of being more 'fully alive' to life,
as a result of not needing to be rigid and in control.
Wholistic Medical Centre practitioners of counselling:
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